its a really bad idea not to tell the child. A friend once told me how his foster parents told him that they took him in after accepting to give his biological parent free food. Now, my heart is tore out. Some parents have chosen, in the past, to wait until the teenage years before telling their child that they were adopted. Below we share some tips for parents on how to tell their children they are adopted, and how to continue the conversation appropriately over the years. I honestly think its like a child who is afraid of rejection. Dr. Steven Nickman suggests that the ideal time for telling children about their adoption appears to be between the ages of 6 and 8. But the paradoxical goal of telling was to make adoptees feel that they were the same, just as real as the real thing. Not every kid is going to have that open mind and come to grips with it easily if at all. It just means that every child needs to know the truth about their true childhood and they have to know it at the right time. Telling your child that they’re adopted doesn’t have to involve a grand gesture or dramatic reveal. As a parent, you may be reluctant about telling your children and find it very hard to break the news to them that they are adopted. That way they can handle it better than if you wait till they are 7. dorene grider May 10, 2010 at 7:42 AM. What are your thoughts Some children become aware that most adoptions occur when birthmothers judge themselves financially and/or emotionally unable to raise a given child, and come to feel that there isn't anything to gain by wondering about or seeking out their birth family. Children up to about age 7 have very little concept of what it means to be adopted, so of course they’re not going to ask questions about it. absolutely tell them. Children may feel griefover the loss of a relationship with their birthparents and the loss of the cultural and family connections that would have existed with those parents. But an adopted child will always feel like they come second. All these children grew up knowing that they were adopted. For all purposes I would like to tell a child who their biological parents are, but let’s also consider how the child came to be adopted.How do you say, “Your uncle rapedyour mother” or “Your mother left you by the street”? Parents cannot eliminate the pain of their child's past experience. window.dojoRequire(["mojo/signup-forms/Loader"], function(L) { L.start({"baseUrl":"mc.us18.list-manage.com","uuid":"07f75c58e86a14c66be62bd77","lid":"cd8f7aac3b","uniqueMethods":true}) }) This approach provides the child an early opportunity to accept and integrate the concept of being "adopted." About how important it is, not to set them apart as “the adopted child”, but because it is their story, a part of them and they should always know it is a part of their story. It’s not a question of being honest but about being protective. This feeling of loss may be especially intense in closed or semi-open adoptions where little or no information or contact is available with birthparents. they will have so many issues if you keep this from them. She said the goal is to tell your child in simple, age-appropriate ways starting from the moment you adopt them, even if they're a baby. Knowing who gave birth to you doesn’t tell you who you are. There is no need to tell them. In other situations, some parents don’t tell their child they were adopted to spare the child’s feelings. You may be afraid of how they will react, or worried about exactly how and when to break the news. Not understand the information think being matter-of-fact about it is the simplest thing groundwork. 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